Tuesday, January 27, 2009

photography class

I signed up for an online photography class that started this weekend. Our first assignment is about ISO. I've never really understood it much, but I think I do now. I still have 3 more photos to finish out the assignment, but here is my first photo for it.

This was my midday, outside shot. I need to do an inside shot, a shade shot, morning and night time shots. The morning one is going to be the hardest. I don't think about my camera first thing in the morning.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Sick Sunday

That is what today is. Actually, that would describe the entire weekend. Rachael got sick on Friday with cough, congestion and fever. Jeremy woke up in the middle of the night Friday night with a fever. He was so upset because yesterday was the Pinewood Derby for Cub Scouts. He has to miss the entire things. He has been looking forward to this for several years now. Each year that Andrew did the Pinewood Derby, Jeremy would tell me how long it was before he could race his own car. Now, the first year he can race and he is sick. Stan took his car and they raced it anyways. He got second place. Andrew took my old camera and took lots of pictures and video taped Jeremy's races for him. That made him much happier. He was surprised and excited about the trophy.

Everyone is doing better today. Rachael's fever is gone. She just has the cough and congestion left. She is going to go to New Beginnings tonight even though she didn't go to church today. She is suppose to sing a solo tonight at New Beginnings. Hopefully she is able to sing ok with the cough and congestion. Jeremy woke up with a fever this morning, but it is gone now, without any treatment. Hopefully it will stay away and not come back tonight. We will be staying away from grandma for a few days until we know for sure no one is contagious. Now, I just hope Stan and I can avoid getting sick. Stan can't afford to miss work and having a fever will mess with my MS.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Blown out of proportion

I comment that I made on my blog a week ago has been completely blown out of proportion. I never intended to attach anyone or offend anyone or be mean. What I meant when I talked about the problem being made worse with the girls at church is that Rachael has expressed concerns that she is very emotional right now and worries that things she may say or do are going to be taken personally and not in the context that she is trying to deal with her grandmother dying. In the past, things have been taken personally when they weren't meant that way and feelings were hurt that shouldn't have been. She started feeling like she always said the wrong thing and she is worried about that again. I wanted to express my hope that there would be more understanding than there was in the past since some of them have recently experienced what Rachael is going through. That I am aware of, there has been very little problems expressed between the girls involved. Rachael and I just FEAR that things will be misunderstood and that is making the issue worse from our point of view. In talking with the YW president, she said things seem to be going good with the girls. I was thrilled to hear that. I really want the drama to be over. Rachael is really trying to be kind. She did not talk with the girls about their father's death because she remembered that she didn't want to talk about her grandpa's death right after if happened. She didn't give them a hug or try to "distract" them because she didn't want to appear to be a fake since they have been fighting. She thought the nicest thing she could do was to just leave them alone so they could deal with their grief without being reminded of the problems. She was torn for days though, wondering what was the best thing to do. They seem to be trying to include her. They keep asking if she will play basketball, but she can't because she has a dance class on Saturday morning when the games occur. She was asked to play at mutual on Wednesday, but she had to rehearse her song for New Beginnings. I am pleased to hear this.

When I typed up the entry in question, it was only to express my concerns over my daughter and not to attack anyone or be mean. The purpose of this blog is to keep my family updated on how things are going. This blog isn't for attacking anyone or spreading rumors or anything else. If you come in contact with me in any way, then you might be mentioned on my blog. It just depends upon what is going through my head when I sit down to type. Iwas trying to be vague about the problems. Most people I talk to only know about the problem at church as a "personality conflict". It isn't something Rachael or I talk with many people about.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Today has been such a long day. I had an appointment today at 9am, so I got up at 7. Usually, that isn't bad, but I could not sleep last night. I finally fell asleep at 1:30am. Jeremy woke up at 4am, then again at 5am. He couldn't get back to sleep, so he got up and watched cartoons.

After my appointment, I came home to take the truck to Stan. He had gone out this morning to find the back window on our Rio shattered. We have no idea how that happened. We did a little bit of school work, then I took Rachael over to Grandma's. Their great grandma needed to go to Walmart and needed someone to sit with my MIL. Rachael finished up her geometry there while she helped grandma with anything she needed.

I took Jeremy and went to Walmart myself, then to Target. I had to get my Avinza prescription filled. They didn't have any in stock. I was so mad. It takes a week to get in once they run out because it is a catagory 1 controlled substance. I fill that Rx every single month annd this is the 2nd time in the last 3 months they have run out. I don't get it. They know me well there and even the tech and the pharmacist said they knew I filled it every month. I don't know why they ran out. It was the only reason I went to Target, so now I had to go to CVS to fill the script. They couldn't do it right away, so I had to go back again, then I had to pick up Rachael and take her to dance, then come home and make dinner. At this point, I am so tired. I honestly haven't felt like this in a long time. I will be going to bed early tonight especially since I have to get up early again tomorrow.

Lately, I have been freaking out about Rachael getting her license. I worry constantly about her driving in the dark, or bad weather or during rush hour. I get anxiety attacks about her driving. She isn't a bad driver, but I just worry about something happening to her. I have had an anxiety disorder in the past and I wonder if it is popping up again with all the extra stress that is going on in my life. Millions of people drive every day and very few of them get in accidents when you think about it. The odds are low that anything will happen to her, but I still worry. I may make her keep her permit for a while longer until I am more certain of her driving skills. I need to let her drive more though so she can get better. She has 2 months before she can even get her license, but we still have half of the driver's ed lessons to go, so she may not be through them anyways. I don't want her to know that I feel this anxiety though, so if you are reading this, don't tell her if you talk to her. I do trust her and this anxiety has nothing to do with her. It is just senseless anxiety that comes up when I am experiencing a lot of stress. I had the same problem when Jeremy was a baby. I constantly worried that something was going to happen to him. I even had to go on anxiety meds because it got so bad.

I am also worried about Rachael's stomach. She has been having trouble eating lately. She is going to see the GI next week. She takes medication for reflux, and that helped for a while, but it isn't helping as much anymore. She frequently isn't hungry, then when she is, she will gag easily on her food, then get nausea and can't finish eating. She was having heartburn, but that went away when she started the prilosec. I wonder if some of this might not be the stress of her grandmother dying and the problems she has had with her friends over the past year and this is her physical reaction to stress. The gagging did start around the time her grandmother was diagnosed with the terminal brain tumors, although the reflux problems she has had off and on her entire life, including as a baby. I'll post an update after we see the GI next week.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

The end of a busy week

Wow, I have sat down several times to blog this week and I keep getting called away from the computer. Well, I have no excuse now. My house is silent except for the sound of my keyboard. I send my family off this morning to visit the Lexington. The cub scouts have a Lexington trip planned for this weekend. I called before we signed up and was told I would have to be able to go up and down ladders, or I would have to stay in a separate area and miss some of the activities. I decided I would just stay home. Rachael took Aashlie so she wouldn't be alone with a bunch of women she didn't know. I"m going to have to trust Stan to take the photos. I know he won't take as many as I would. I bet they are going to have a blast.

My baby turned 7 on Wednesday! We went out to Gatti Town for his birthday on Monday since half the family has to be at the church on Wednesday night. He had a blast. We all got up early Wednesday morning so he could open his presents. We bought him a Lego Indiana Jones set and the Batmobile for his Imaginext. He loved them. He got money from Granny, Grandma Hodge and Grams, so he bought more Imaginext toys. He has spent hours playing with them this week. We decided since he is so into Imaginext now, then it was time to retire the Little People. I have pictures of him playing with his Little people so I sent them all to Emily. I know they will get good use there. I thought about saving them for his kids, but we just have too small of a house and a complete lack of storage space. He was completely OK with giving away the Little people and that is the most important thing.

In addition to my normal busy schedule, I have been worried about my mother in law all week. She went back into the hospital on the 1st due to change in neurological function. She was confused with memory loss, visual disturbances and even some hallucinations. She had a CT of her brain and her tumors are bigger and there are more of them. This time, there is nothing anyone can do. Her oncologist was planning on starting some growth inhibitor chemo for the liver tumors, but now he said that this is no longer necessary as it won't do anything for the brain tumor. They gave her some steroids for the swelling and they have helped a lot. She has been more with it since she started the steroids. Now, we have to take advantage of all the time we have with her, because it won't be long.

I am struggling a little bit with some guilt about my MIL. We have plane tickets to go to PA to see my mom and grandma in March. I haven't seen my mom in 5 years and I haven't seen my grandma in 11 years. My grandmother also has cancer, so this may be the last chance I have to see her. Also, our plane tickets are non-refundable. Here is where the guilt comes in. What if Beth is still arouond when it comes time to go? What if she passes away while we are gone? I just have to deal with the guilt, because we are going. My kids are looking forward to this and so is my mom. She sounded so excited when I told her we had our plane tickets bought. She doesn't get excited very easily.

If you are reading this, please pray for my family, especially my MIL. It is so hard to see her in pain yet I'm not sure I'm ready to lose her yet. I know I don't have any choice in the matter. I know Heavenly Father will help us through this challenge if I have faith. Now, I just have to keep that faith going. I'm really worried about how my daughter is going to handle this. She is really close to her grandmother. She thinks of her as a second mom. She has already had a few tearful moments. She couldn't even go to church on Sunday because she was so upset. The stress of losing her grandmother is making the problem with some of the girls at church even worse. She is really sensitive right now and a few of the girls give her no slack and no understanding at all. Two of them just lost there dad, so I hope they can understand a little bit what she is going through. It is really hard to watch a loved one suffer like this.