Thursday, January 15, 2009

Today has been such a long day. I had an appointment today at 9am, so I got up at 7. Usually, that isn't bad, but I could not sleep last night. I finally fell asleep at 1:30am. Jeremy woke up at 4am, then again at 5am. He couldn't get back to sleep, so he got up and watched cartoons.

After my appointment, I came home to take the truck to Stan. He had gone out this morning to find the back window on our Rio shattered. We have no idea how that happened. We did a little bit of school work, then I took Rachael over to Grandma's. Their great grandma needed to go to Walmart and needed someone to sit with my MIL. Rachael finished up her geometry there while she helped grandma with anything she needed.

I took Jeremy and went to Walmart myself, then to Target. I had to get my Avinza prescription filled. They didn't have any in stock. I was so mad. It takes a week to get in once they run out because it is a catagory 1 controlled substance. I fill that Rx every single month annd this is the 2nd time in the last 3 months they have run out. I don't get it. They know me well there and even the tech and the pharmacist said they knew I filled it every month. I don't know why they ran out. It was the only reason I went to Target, so now I had to go to CVS to fill the script. They couldn't do it right away, so I had to go back again, then I had to pick up Rachael and take her to dance, then come home and make dinner. At this point, I am so tired. I honestly haven't felt like this in a long time. I will be going to bed early tonight especially since I have to get up early again tomorrow.

Lately, I have been freaking out about Rachael getting her license. I worry constantly about her driving in the dark, or bad weather or during rush hour. I get anxiety attacks about her driving. She isn't a bad driver, but I just worry about something happening to her. I have had an anxiety disorder in the past and I wonder if it is popping up again with all the extra stress that is going on in my life. Millions of people drive every day and very few of them get in accidents when you think about it. The odds are low that anything will happen to her, but I still worry. I may make her keep her permit for a while longer until I am more certain of her driving skills. I need to let her drive more though so she can get better. She has 2 months before she can even get her license, but we still have half of the driver's ed lessons to go, so she may not be through them anyways. I don't want her to know that I feel this anxiety though, so if you are reading this, don't tell her if you talk to her. I do trust her and this anxiety has nothing to do with her. It is just senseless anxiety that comes up when I am experiencing a lot of stress. I had the same problem when Jeremy was a baby. I constantly worried that something was going to happen to him. I even had to go on anxiety meds because it got so bad.

I am also worried about Rachael's stomach. She has been having trouble eating lately. She is going to see the GI next week. She takes medication for reflux, and that helped for a while, but it isn't helping as much anymore. She frequently isn't hungry, then when she is, she will gag easily on her food, then get nausea and can't finish eating. She was having heartburn, but that went away when she started the prilosec. I wonder if some of this might not be the stress of her grandmother dying and the problems she has had with her friends over the past year and this is her physical reaction to stress. The gagging did start around the time her grandmother was diagnosed with the terminal brain tumors, although the reflux problems she has had off and on her entire life, including as a baby. I'll post an update after we see the GI next week.


Corrine said...

sorry rachael is having a rough time, I can only imagine the stress of having your first born driving too, not that you dont trust them but just that they are on their own. wow that was a long run on.

Becky said...

I'll be praying for Rachael. I apologize for any impact I had any of this. I don't think any of us ever meant for this quarrel to go on so long..but like i said in my blog, I am willing to do whatever it takes to help get rid of it, because I am just so tired of it.

I'll appreciate and consider any advice that you can give me in how you want me to respond to anything that's said that may offend me.