Crappy day today

After having such a wonderful day on Friday, today has been a really crappy day.  It all started yesterday actually.  I really struggled yesterday with feeling very emotional.  Going out on a pass on Friday was wonderful but coming back into the hospital was so hard for me.  It made me so sad, almost depressed.  I tried to put on a happy face and just do the best I could but I really struggled.  It was made worse by the fact that I had no therapy on the weekend.  Typically, you get therapy the 1st weekend you are here, then the following weekend it just depends upon census and the therapist that  are here.  The unit was pretty full  and there are a lot of therapist on vacation, so I got no therapy this weekend at all.  I just kept thinking there is no reason for me to be here.  I was on the verge of tears all weekend.
     Then yesterday I "walked" Stan to the car when he left the hospital for game night.  I was outside for about 20 minutes in the heat.  When I came back in, my BP was elevated to 160/108 and my HR was 118.  I was having  palpitations.  After about half an hour, things were back to normal.  It happened 1 other time.  Then today I had an asthma attack and had  to have a neb treatment.  That had my heart racing but I knew it  was only medication side effects.  This morning, I woke up with really bad abdominal pain in my right upper quadrant, along with some tenderness.  The doctor ordered an ultrasound and it was normal, although it took all day to get it done.  I had to be NPO for 6 hours before it could be done, but they took 8 hours to get here to do it.  I was hungry and grumpy all day long.  It was not pretty.  I had no further palpitations but I did talk to the attending about it and he wants to get a STAT EKG if it happens again.  I have had a full cardiac work up so I  don't think it is any big deal.
     Now I have had my US, I've been able to eat and I feel a little better so  I am not  as grumpy but I  still l feel like I am on the verge of tears again.  I was a total party pooper when it came to the family games.  I hung out with Stan and the boys.
     I think it is time for me to be a little more pro-active with these feelings of depression.  I need to start talking with Eden again, even if it is over the phone for now.  I need to be journaling.  I also need to let go of  some expectations.  I have been having a hard time with the fact that I get no visitors except my immediate family.  Stan and the boys, Rachael and Zack.  No one from church has visited.  My own brother hasn't even visited me, nor did he visit me the last time i was here.  .  He doesn't call me either.  He is such a weenie.